My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
