I like my sex mixed with concussions.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
