You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
