Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
