I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
