Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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