Having a random hookup so left but love u
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
