I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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