Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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