i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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