So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
