The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
