meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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