I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
