The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
