just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
