She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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