I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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