TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
