I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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