he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
