I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
