So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
