if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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