is your mom at the bar?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
