things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude i'm inner monologue high
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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