You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
