a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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