I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
