our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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