I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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