i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
