i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
