I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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