my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
