I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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