I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
