Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
