my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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