So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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