May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
