He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Pants are for mortals
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
