I'm eating all of the evidence.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
