I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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