Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just puked most of my soul out..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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