I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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