Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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