His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
