I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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