nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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