Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
