You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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