And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
