do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
