I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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