Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
